It Was Good: Balancing a Dual Identity

The most recent reading of “It Was Good” … is hard. Not necessarily hard to read, but hard to thoughtfully examine and reflect upon. I have delayed writing this blog because I have had such a hard time putting my turbulent emotions and feelings into words, but I will do my best.

I’ve grown up in a Christian home, accepted the Lord as my savior at the age of 4, and started the process of making the faith a personal relationship instead of a culture during my years enrolled in college. Putting on the ‘Christian’ mask is easy for me, something I’ve practiced my whole life in a way that I have fooled myself with it.

But despite my time being so engrained in the church-going life, my artistic and christian identities have only crossed a few times publicly. I know that in the boxes holding child-hood drawings there are probably drawings of crosses and Jesus on the hill among the miscellaneous memories. As a coping habit of mine, I was always drawing when ever I was listening to a speech or lecture, even at church. While I’m sure that many of those sketches were influenced by the message, they were not meant for sharing. No, my first time creating art specific to my faith was when I started a Bible Verse poster series in 2010.

The first typography-based image in my Bible Verse series, which started because of a final assignment in one of my first graphic arts course during highschool. You can find the rest of the series on my DeviantArt account.

In “It Was Good”, Christian Arts are defined as follows:

“1) work with obvious Christian subject matter like biblical narratives;
2) work whose worldview or spirit is Christian; or
3) work that is made for a Christian audience, to be used in some Christian way, usually liturgically.” (p. 320)

This first intentional expedition into the “Christian Arts” was done with #1 and maybe #3 in mind. I was drawing directly from the bible, using verses to create abstract imagery to further emphasize said verses. But thinking back on it, I wonder how much of that was used to fuel my artistic identity or if was a product of my christian one. Most of my work had nothing to do with expressing my faith or depicting biblical messages, which I feel holds to true today as well. I’ve have moments like this first one, and again during my 2nd year of college. But I doubt if my motivation was to express this kind of… faith.

“The biblical concept of self, and of vocation, is found in relationship to God and other selves. So it is not that we should not be expressive, but instead a question of what our expressions arise from and what they ultimately serve.” (p. 319)

According to this quote my identity is found in relationship to God. In consideration, the purpose of my art should not be about being expressive, but about why it is created and what goals it serves. Knowing this, I wonder if I have ever created a true “Christian” artwork. Most of my work has been self-serving. I did an independent study my Sophomore year where I illustrated people in worship and drew images that came to mind during the worship. Despite the strong concept and intentions, the main motivation for doing this project was because I needed help staying focused during chapels and because I had no application arts classes that semester (which was driving me out of my mind). I needed an artistic outlet, and I was required to go to a certain amount of chapels during the semester. So I created one.

But does this make my art non-Christian? Not really.

I thoroughly enjoyed that project, but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a “Christian Artist”. I don’t find myself working on art that is “Christian” appealing. I’ve been told that I could illustrate bible scenes for children’s books… but I cringe on the inside. So does my identity as a Christian mean that my art has to create show it?

No. It doesn’t. I don’t know if my work will always be an expression of my inner most feelings (contrary to the topic of my senior show exhibit) or of my faith, but it certainly has been a way that I could. Oddly enough, it wasn’t until this reading this book that I began to question if my faith showed in my work. Before it wouldn’t have bothered me, but I began to wonder if I needed to change the subject matter of my personal work. I think now I can say that my work doesn’t need to be self-expression. “Thus for many people the use of art, and its obvious goal, is self-expression. …The artist does not make art as one would work at a job, with set hours every day, and an entrance into and exit from a work world and a work consciousness” (p. 313). I learned through this semester that art (specifically studio art) does not have to be personal, about me, or a a ‘revealing’ of myself. I don’t have to sell out, or forget why I create art in the first place.

My personality, worldview, or personal issues do not make my art “art”. Even if others assume that my work is a window into my soul, it does not have to be true for myself. Where would work like the one below come from then?

A purely-for-fun crossover fanart of “Avatar: the Last Airbender” and “How to Train Your Dragon”, created in 2010.

After reading this chapter and being forced to reflect on it (thanks Tim), I believe I have come out of it stronger. I know I don’t have to create art to prove to the world that I am a Christian. LIke the book said before, “The biblical concept of self, and of vocation, is found in relationship to God.” As long as that relationship is a core part of my life, then my art and my christianity are both just a part of my identity. The whole of me is in Him.

[Fun fact…. today seemed to be a “let’s go searching for old art of mine!” type of blog. All the images were created in 2010 before I started my college career]

Sources:

It Was Good: Making Art for the Glory of God text
Vimeo Video